FITTING IN

1488

I am young, I will not go into too much detail as to how young for anonymity’s sake, so all I will say is I am under eighteen. A few years ago I was very fat, I had no real friends and all I did was play video games. I was the typical American loser. I knew a guy, let’s call him S, he was one of the “cool kids“. He was known for doing drugs and being someone you do not want to fuck with. I really wanted to be his friend. One day he and my old friend J walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to hang out after school. I obliged of course. Now, at this time in my adolescence I really had no morals or beliefs, I’d do anything that would make me fit in.

After school that day I hung out with S and J and they offered me some weed. I had never done anything like that and I have always liked to try new things, plus it would help me ingratiate myself with them, so I decided to try it. I liked it. As I started to hang out with them more and more I started to try more things with them, I started to smoke cigarettes, drink, drop acid etc. It got to the point where I did nothing but spend all my money on drugs. Couple all that with my general nihilistic outlook and terrible obesity, and you have a real problem on your hands. It got so bad that the school’s scale didn’t accurately measure my weight because I was almost three hundred fucking pounds. Instead of feeling any sort of shame, I embraced it. I didn’t care how fat and pathetic I was, nor did I care that I had a dependence on narcotics and literally zeros in most of my classes. I didn’t realize it at the time, but deep down I hated myself.

The only thing I could say was partially a good quality about myself was my intelligence, but I didn’t ever use it. I was starting my life off in the worst way possible and that’s not what anyone in their right mind wants. After a year of living like that, I realized there was a problem. I was not happy. Luckily, my epiphany coincided with my discovery of George Lincoln Rockwell and William Luther Pierce. At first I listened to them because I had always been racist, and I thought it would be funny to hear how racist Neo-Nazis were. I was surprised to find that instead of humor, I found truth. Everything I heard or read was so enlightening, and I quickly became consumed with racial politics. This, however, did NOT save me. In fact it made my life worse. I was weak and couldn’t handle the truth. I didn’t want to live in a sick society because that would mean I would have to rise above it, and I would’ve much rather simply revel in the decay. It took a long time to make myself change. I knew the person I was should’ve been gassed, but I didn’t want to give up the only things that made me happy. The thing about doing drugs, drinking and binge eating is, it makes your life miserable. But you don’t want to stop because these things are the only things that you enjoy. After sufficient research and enough time to think, I decided that was done. That me was gone, and from now on I was going to focus on productive things to do with my time.

I decided to tackle substance abuse first as I felt like it would be easiest. After a lot of struggling, I had dropped my most of my dependence on drugs and found pleasure from reading, or drawing. I messed up a few times but by distancing myself from my degenerate friends I had cut off my supply and had no way to get drugs even if I wanted them. At this point I was halfway on the road to health, and it was almost summer.

I decided that I would be fit come September the next year. In actuality, dropping over one hundred pounds in three months is impossible, but at the time I did not know that. I started with just running, I hated it at first. I couldn’t run five paces without getting tired. Thankfully though I kept at it, and doing it made me feel good. It felt like I was making a positive impact on myself, nothing I had really felt before. I used NS propaganda as motivation to better myself, and it worked. It actually worked. Thinking about being superior to everyone else certainly was a good motivator. The inequality of the outlook really made me feel like a lesser being, and I hated that. I wanted to be the best I could be and I’d do anything to achieve those ends.

By the time September rolled around, I was sitting at about two hundred and thirty pounds, a good twenty to thirty pounds less than when I started. I may have still been a blimp, but I weighed less than I did before and I was proud of that.

It was the new school year, and I started to see less and less of J and S. They hardly even came to school at this point and they just seemed pathetic, I did not want to be anything like them. From then on my social life was dominated by politics, all I did was read or listen, constantly scrutinizing myself and trying to find things to improve. Fast forward a few years and here I am, I haven’t even so much as touched a cigarette for a year, and I am no longer overweight. I am in a committed relationship with my girlfriend, I had real, healthy friendships, and I am happy with myself.

I owe it all to NS politics giving me a positive outlook on life that drastically changed who I am.

By Anonymous
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